Monday, June 12, 2017

My Battle With Misophonia

It's been a while since I've gotten more personal and deep with you guys, so to change things up this month I decided that it's about time I told you something pretty big. Something that has impacted my life in a not-so-great way and how I'm learning to deal with it on a daily basis. I suffer from a rare medical condition called misophonia. Many of you out there probably have no idea what that is OR don't believe that it's a legitimate condition when it is very much so for myself and many others. But what exactly is misophonia, and how does it affect my everyday life? If you read on, I will do my best to explain it to you.

What is misophonia?
Misophonia is the shorter and more common name for a condition known medically as Selective Sound Sensitivity Syndrome, or S4. Basically this means that those who suffer from it will be "triggered" by very common, everyday noises in an extremely negative way. The easiest way to explain it to someone who isn't very sciency (like myself) is that something is wonky with the wiring in the brain of a misophonic, and it causes them to interpret certain sounds in a bad way, even if there is absolutely no reason for it (which is mostly often the case). Anger, fear, anxiety, and panic are just some examples of the negative feelings the misophonic's brain will produce upon hearing a trigger sound. Common trigger sounds include chewing, tapping, clicking, mouth sounds, repetitive noises, breathing, etc. Very common noises that can be heard on a day-to-day basis, which only makes being an individual who suffers from this condition worse, as there is no escape from it unless you completely stay away from people.

How does it affect people generally?
The severity of the reaction depends upon the individual, but it can range from very minimal discomfort to using physical violence against the source of the trigger sound, be it person or inanimate object. Some people are simply bothered by the noise and seek to get away, while others go into a panic attack and their fight or flight response kicks in, thus the physical violence mentioned earlier. Here is a chart of the different levels (10) of misophonia:


How does it affect me, personally?
When I was growing up I would be triggered by certain noises and react violently to them, which often got me in trouble with my parents and sometimes even with my brother. I didn't actually have a name to put to this condition until about two years ago. You cannot imagine the relief I felt when I found out that I AM NOT THE ONLY ONE who suffers from this. All those years of feeling like I was just being picky, or overreacting to certain situations - all of it was because of a legitimate problem. I just didn't know it at the time.

In the past couple of years I've learned a lot more about what it means to have this condition in this day and age, and various coping mechanisms that others use to get through their lives relatively peacefully. It's impossible to have a perfect day when you live with misophonia, but thanks to online support groups and forums, I've learned a lot about how it affects me personally and how I personally can deal with my specific triggers.

If you'll refer to the chart above, you may be surprised to learn that I am a Level 9 misophonic. My primary trigger is gum chewing (just writing it down makes my heart beat faster), but I have a handful of others that include but are not limited to chewing, mouth noises, clicking, and repetitive sounds. It is impossible for me to get through even one day without being severely triggered. Every day I will talk to someone who is chewing gum as they're speaking (why the heck people feel the need to chew gum - or anything - with their mouth open, I DO NOT know). And even if I get away with not dealing with that specific trigger, I will have to deal with my family members who eat loudly and sometimes chew their food with their mouths open. (Which, again, I do not know why.) I will go to the kitchen to grab something and I'll hear my brother using the computer mouse in the living room, which triggers me as well. 9/10 times I will be physically shaking by the time I get back to the sanctuary that is my room, even if I'm only out there for a few seconds.

When I'm triggered my heart rate spikes, I get extremely tense, and when dealing with people I try to get the encounter over with as quickly as possible so I can get the heck out of there. This may seem like I'm being rude or anti-social, but it's the only way to avoid a breakdown. When exposed to a trigger noise for a prolonged period I will start to become antsy, I'll feel sick, anxiety will kick in, and then I will be in the midst of a full-blown panic attack and crying like a child because someone is chewing gum as they're talking to me. I simply cannot be exposed to those kinds of sounds for very long. It will literally cause me to have a mental breakdown on the spot because my brain is interpreting these sounds as a bad thing and I feel like I cannot get away.

Is there a cure?
Currently there is no cure for misophonia, but there are ways those who suffer from it can cope. Coping mechanisms vary from person to person, but thanks to the online support groups and forums I've been part of, I've learned a few tricks that have helped me get through situations I would have had to opt out of otherwise.

What coping mechanisms do you use?
My go-to coping mechanism is earplugs. Simple devices, but to the misophonic, they work wonders. I carry two sets of earplugs around with me everywhere I go and have one on standby just in case. One set is in my purse and the other is for use around the house. I've used earplugs in theaters (not because the movie is too loud but to block out the eating noises of the people around me), planetariums, and even in my own home. I sometimes sleep with them. They have been my saving grace when it comes to my everyday life. I remember the first time I used them to go see a movie with my college roommate and I left the theater almost crying with joy because I was able to sit through the whole thing without hearing a single chewing noise to trigger and distract me.

Besides earplugs, though, the only other coping mechanism I have is to stay away from people. I know it sounds horrible and anti-social, but it's honestly the best thing I can do for myself when it comes to having this condition. People don't understand that this is an actual medical condition; most just see it as giving people an excuse to be rude. I cannot tell you how much I hate seeing and hearing people say that this condition does not exist. Swap places with me for a day - me, a Level 9 misophonic - and then tell me it doesn't exist. I dare you.


I hope that I've enlightened you somewhat, and that perhaps you've learned a bit more about me after reading this post. I know not many people I see on a daily basis read this blog, but if you are one of those people, I'm going to take this opportunity to BEG you to PLEASE try to remember what you've learned here and take it seriously. If you happen across me one day and you're chewing gum, either take it out while you talk to me or try not to be offended if it seems like I'm trying to get away from you. I never mean it personally; I'm only try to save the both of us from the very real possibility of a mental breakdown.

And to those who are reading this generally: please, be considerate of others around you. Even if you don't know any misophonics in your lives there are many people who are annoyed by common mouth sounds, such as chewing gum or lip smacking. Be observant, be considerate. Take people's requests seriously. You never know if you're interacting with a misophonic person who is too afraid to speak up for themselves and ask you to stop whatever trigger noise you're causing. I've been that person. It sucks a lot.

I suffer from a rare medical condition called misophonia. It is very real. It is NOT an excuse for me to be rude, it is NOT an excuse for me to be by myself most of the time. It has impacted my life in a very negative way, and I am done being quiet about it. This is a part of me. Please respect that.

Thank you.

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