Epic Reads Book Tag (August Book Wrap-Up)

Before we begin this book update I'd like to state for the record that I was gone for a week in the early part of August on vacation to the Cody / Yellowstone area, and then for another two days last weekend for an overnight trip to Montana. Therefore I got less reading and writing done this month, and I'm actually okay with that. It was nice to take a breather for a while.

Writing
Let's not talk about Follow the Raven.

Once again this month I only posted one chapter of "Everything Changes," but I daresay it was the most popular chapter I've released of this story so far. A lot of people are really on board with the direction I'm taking the story, and I couldn't be happier about it! I can't wait to see how they react when we get to the cliffhanger ending next month when I wrap up the story. (Yes, sadly, this book is drawing to a close.) My current stats are 2,504 reads; 202 votes; and 54 comments.

Reading
While I am even further along in my Skulduggery Pleasant readthrough now, because I took so much time off this month I was unable to complete book five in time for it to count for August (as there are more than 100 pages left for me to read at this time). You'll get to see my full thoughts on it next month, but in the meantime, these are the books I did manage to complete:

• Grave Mercy by Robin LaFevers
• Matched by Ally Condie
• Invasion of the Overworld by Mark Cheverton

Grave Mercy is the most recent audiobook I listened to, and it was so long that it took me two months to get through it (14 hours!). At one point I almost DNF-ed it, but I decided to push through and I'm really glad I did. It was good, albeit kind of difficult to keep up with all the names and whatnot while listening vs. actually reading the thing. The thing I liked most about it was that it was more than just a love story, and at that it really wasn't even a love story. It was a political story, and love just happened to come along. It was a nice change of pace.

Matched is an audiobook I listened to while I was on vacation, and I'm proud to say I finished the entire thing while I was out of town. I knew we'd be in the van a lot driving around, especially in Yellowstone, so I figured I'd give on-the-road-audiobooking a try, and it worked out well! The story was good, the narrator was great, and I'm totally down for listening to the other two as well.

The story of how I came to own Invasion of the Overworld is both funny and kind of sad. A few years ago I got this book for my brother for Christmas, in what ended up being my last-ditch attempt to get him to like reading. He was really into Minecraft at the time, and I liked the idea of the book because it's basically published fanfiction. (And as you know, I'm a fanfic author myself.) I figured I'd be appealing to his interests that way, but it ultimately didn't work. He read all of about ten pages in the three years he owned the thing, and then earlier this year he was cleaning out his room and asked if I wanted the book since he'd decided he didn't anymore. Of course I took it, and added to to my TBR. Fast forward a handful of months later, and now I've read it, and it was actually not bad! It was a fun, quick, easy read, and I really think he would have liked it too had he given it a chance. C'est la vie.

As I mentioned earlier I'm not far enough into Mortal Coil (SP #5) to put it in this wrap-up, but I am a little under halfway through it at the moment and very much enjoying it! This one is darker than the first four were, and I'm loving that. I can't wait to see where this all goes, since the title of the next book is Death Bringer. Check back here at the end of September for my full thoughts on both. :)

Epic Reads Book Tag

1) If you could invite one author and one of their fictional characters to tea, who would you invite and what would you serve them?

• I'm going with the first thing that came to mind here. So I'd invite Julie Kagawa and either Megan or Ash from her Iron Fey series, and I'd most likely serve them spaghetti, since that's one of very few dishes I can make well. (Don't judge me!)

2) What book do you wish the author would write a prequel for and what would the main storyline be?

• I'm not a big fan of prequels, except in extremely rare cases.

3) Which two characters (not from the same book) do you think would make a good couple?

• Puck from the Iron Fey series and Sybella from the His Fair Assassin trilogy. They were the first two to come to mind and honestly, I think the whole opposites-attract thing would totally work for them.

4) If you ran into your favorite author on the subway and could only say one sentence to them, who is it and what would it be?

• It would be Derek Landy, and I would say, "Thank you so much for Skulduggery Pleasant." Maybe cliche, but if I could only say one thing, it's what I'd tell him.

5) What book made you a reader and why?

• I've been reading my whole life, even before I could remember. I'm pretty sure there was no one book that set me on that path; I just loved books in general from the very beginning.

6) Your bookshelf just caught on fire! Choose the one book you save.

• Just one?! Honestly, I have a lot of really great, rare edition books I'd like to save if possible. But if I really only could choose one, I would probably go for a specific children's book that my dad had growing up and gave to me when I was a kid. It's old and probably not in print anymore, but it's very precious to me.

7) Which dystopian world would you want to live in if you had to choose one and why?

• I am not a fan of dystopia generally speaking; I never understood how people could get so into it when it was the "big thing" back in the early 2010s. I only ever actually read three or four dystopia novels, and considering my choices I think the gentlest, least-violent one is probably the one I'd go for, and that's Matched by Ally Condie. Although if I were to choose one I haven't read personally but sounds decent, it would be Delirium by Lauren Oliver.

8) What is your most epic read of all time?

• I know what you're expecting to see for this answer, but I'm going to surprise you. My most epic read of all time is actually A Canticle for Lebowitz by Walter M. Miller, Jr. I read this book when I was a sophomore in college and it blew me away. It's a masterpiece, and I recommend that everyone read it.

That's the end of my summer of book tags, everyone! I hope you enjoyed this short break from the norm, and maybe learned a few things about my reading preferences along the way. Next month we return to regular book wrap-ups, but keep the same level of excitement about them! See you next time!

Let's Talk About Boys

I feel like this post has been a long time coming. I've just not really wanted to face it head-on or risk receiving criticism and negativity like I did when I told everyone I was taking a break from school. But the longer I keep this in the more lost and hopeless I feel, and I refuse to let my previous relationship ruin all future relationships for me. So...here we go.

Most everyone who knows me knows that from October 2014 to about February of this year I kept having this on-again, off-again relationship with a guy I met on my college campus. We met solely because I happened to be wearing a Sonic shirt that day. He probably never would have given me the light of day otherwise.

I'm not going to go into all the details of what happened after that here. Suffice it to say we hit it off right away, but afterwards things got really bumpy. I'll get straight to the point.

On the outside this guy was everything I could have hoped for, and my parents really liked him. I believe they probably still do. But over the course of the two and a half years I knew him, I began to see who he really was behind closed doors and no matter how hard I tried for the sake of my parents and my church, I just couldn't bring myself to keep at it. There were just too many things about him that didn't line up with what I believe, and weren't what I was looking for in a future provider and father. Despite his perfect exterior when around my parents and the general public, he was not the best to be with in private settings. I think I knew that for a long time, but I didn't really do anything about it until earlier this year.

In January of this year the two of us officially came forward in the church as a courting couple. Courting, not dating. If you want to know the difference go look it up. Educate yourself. I think officially we broke up for the last time in early March, but I knew about a month earlier that I just could not continue to try and see this man anymore. I know my parents were happy about our making it official after two years of on-again, off-again-ness, and that they were bummed when I told them we'd broken up that last time. But in the long run I strongly believe it was the best decision.

The reason I'm giving you this backstory is so you'll have a better understanding of why when I say that despite the fact that he moved out of state in May (finally), this man has completely changed the game when it comes to my personal desire to experience romance and get married one day. He sexually harassed me over and over again, and it has made me less trusting of other guys and of myself.

(Note: Nothing sexual ever truly happened between us, for which I thank the Lord to this day. The harassment always came in the form of unwanted advances, uncomfortable conversation topics that alluded to sex, etc. It was harassment because I repeatedly asked him to stop, but he would only become upset or even angry and blatantly refuse to heed my wishes.)

Because I had encounters like this almost every time I saw him - especially in those last several months - while I look at men my age today with mild interest every now and then, I also have doubts ringing in the back of my mind, saying, "What if he ___?" or "I bet he's into ___, and I'm not." I've even caught myself saying, "You are going to die alone" to my reflection in the mirror. And you know what? I'm sick of it.

One failed relationship does not define whether or not I will have successful ones in the future. Everyone makes mistakes. It happens. We just have to learn from them and move on. I had a bad experience with a boy in high school. I had a really bad experience with a boy in college. But you know what? I've grown from both of those experiences. And I don't want what happened with my ex to have a lasting impression on me and how I perceive other men my age. Or even in general.

Not every man I meet is going to disrespect me like my ex did. Not every man is going to be seemingly picture-perfect, either. And that's okay.

I think the biggest thing that bothers me about this whole ordeal is the fact that my parents still really like the guy I was with. But they don't know about the harassment, and honestly, I doubt they'd believe me if I told them. Especially since I won't tell them exactly how it all went down. Despite what he did to me, I'm not going to openly expose certain things that he shared with me. It would be disrespectful to him, and that's not how I roll. To my parents he was the picture of a good, Christ-following man, and they probably think I missed out. But I know that they won't keep referring to my ex if and when I openly show interest in someone else, no matter how much my mind may tell me otherwise.

And yes, part of the reason I'm writing this all out is because I do have an interest in someone else now. There's a young man in my church whom I've noticed recently, and despite not knowing anything about him (even his name) I would really like to get to know him. He sits on the same side of the sanctuary that I do; we've even shaken hands during the greeting time once. He always comes in alone and sits alone, but he's friendly and isn't shy about going to greet others when the time comes even though at first (I'm assuming) he didn't know anyone. I've watched him pray before every service and get into the worship time. He focuses on the sermon intently; I don't think I've seen him leave the sanctuary during a sermon, ever. All of these things made him stand out to me, and while I can only assume that he's around my age (I'm guessing a couple of years older), I'd like to at least learn his name soon.

I like this guy. And I'd really like it if I didn't feel like I had to hide the fact that I like him for no legitimate reason.

I've been through a lot in the last few years when it comes to boys, and I've walked way often feeling hurt or betrayed or even scarred. And while I do have my doubts and anxieties when it comes to the thought of any future relationships, my hope is that I'll be able to push past them and be able to find happiness with someone in the future. That I'll be able to fall in love again, and have them love me in return. I imagine it will be a beautiful thing.

As a Christ-following woman I have different standards than most when it comes to guys, but I'm not like a lot of women out there who have these ridiculous lists of qualities they require their partners to have. My number one requirement is that he be a truly dedicated Christ-following man; not someone who puts on a show just to convince others. All other qualities or aspects that I tend to prefer in guys are negotiable. In the long run it really doesn't matter if he wears glasses or is taller than me or isn't overly gushy when it comes to romance. In the end what I'm truly looking for is someone who will be a good husband, provider, and father for my children. I don't just want a "bubblegum boy." I want a real, mature man of God.

That being said, I believe I've reached the end of this post and said all I really wanted to say. This is what I've been dealing with recently, but I'm tired of just "dealing." I want to start healing. I'm going to attempt to put myself out there again and maybe learn the name of this guy I've had my eyes on for about a month now. I refuse to let my doubt and fear get the better of me. Starting today, I'm not just telling God about my mountains. I'm telling my mountains about my God.

Passenger Book Challenge (July Book Wrap-Up)

This month I participated in both Camp NaNoWriMo July and the annual BookTubeAThon, and while I feel like I got more writing and reading done than I would have otherwise, I didn't necessarily complete my goals in either event. Still, progress is progress!

Writing
As I'm sure you know, my goal for this session of Camp NaNo was 10k words, as it usually is during the camp months. You may also recall that I strongly felt this was the year I'd win both camps. Well...I'm sorry to say I didn't, but I did get halfway there! I wrote just over 5k of Follow the Raven in July, and I've finally gotten past that scene that was keeping me from moving forward, so I consider that massive progress. I'm feeling much better about it now.

"Everything Changes" was very slow going this month. I only released one chapter. I wanted to go ahead and release the rest of the story in July (since I literally only have three chapters left to post), but things just got kind of crazy with Camp and BookTubeAThon, and I wanted to give those two things priority. So while I may be a bit "behind" now, I feel that I'll be able to wrap up the story in August when I get back from my vacation and move on from there. My current stats are 2,208 reads; 193 votes; and 51 comments. (I find it worthy to note that at one point this month I got over 50 reads on this story in one day. That never happens. I don't know what all the sudden hype was about, but hey, I'm glad people are still liking my content!)

Reading
I'm further along in my Skulduggery Pleasant readthrough now; I'm officially in unread territory! And I have to say, it's been an interesting experience breaking away from the familiarity of the first three books and entering into a whole new arc of bad guys and evil plots and fresh characters. But along with the couple of SP books I read in July, I also read another couple of on-the-side titles as well. Here's what I managed to finish this month:

• The Faceless Ones by Derek Landy
• Beauty and the Beast (Movie Novelization) by Elizabeth Rudnick
• Dark Days by Derek Landy
• Easy by Tammara Webber

As with Playing With Fire from last month, reading The Faceless Ones (SP #3) for the second time was like reading it for the first time in that I really didn't remember a whole lot of the story, save for the very end. The ending I remembered almost exactly, probably because of that cliffhanger I've been clinging to for so many years. But the one thing I really want to note about the third book is that I understood so much more of what was going on this time around and how all the events in the first three books combined led up to the moment when Skulduggery was lost. It all made so much more sense; I really understood the weight and importance of his loss. Thank goodness I had book four to dive into immediately after this time!

Dark Days was really different from the books before it in that Skulduggery didn't show up until almost 100 pages in, whereas he usually made his first appearance in the first chapter of every other book. It just made me miss him more, and helped me realize how messed up things were without him around to keep everyone in line. It was also really different to see him almost totally disoriented and temperamental when he returned from what everyone in the book simply deems as "hell," where he'd been tortured daily and struggled to keep his sanity. He would train his weapons on good guys and spontaneously explode with rage for a while, which was way out of character for him, but I think that it was an accurate change considering what he'd been through. I'm not entirely convinced he's completely readjusted to life on Earth, but I suppose I'll see whether or not that's true as I move on to book five in August.

Passenger Book Challenge
The basic idea of the Passenger Book Challenge is to find/read/recommend books that take place outside of the country you live in. In my case, of course, that's the United States. The challenge was inspired by Passenger by Alexandra Bracken and is over a year old now, but I've been reading way more beyond-USA books as of late so I thought this was a good opportunity to finally do this myself.

1) Skulduggery Pleasant by Derek Landy (takes place in Ireland)

• Do I really even need to say why I'm recommending this one at this point? Haha!

2) The Kite Runner by Khaled Hosseini (takes place in the Middle East)

• I recommend this book because it is super informative and oh my goodness it messed me up so much, but that's probably a good thing.

3) The Complete Maus by Art Spiegelman (takes place primarily in Germany)

• I usually hate reading books that talk about the Holocaust, but this one really stood out and I feel like I learned more from it than from any history book. (This one also messed me up.)

4) Things Fall Apart by Chinua Achebe (takes place in Africa)

• I didn't know much about African culture before reading this book, and even though it was required reading in college I have a personal copy for myself because I liked it so much.

5) Mutant Message Down Under by Marlo Morgan (takes place in Australia)

• I knew nothing about Australian culture, which is exactly why I picked up this book last year. I learned a lot, and it touched on certain details that are usually left out of survival stories, which I very much appreciated.

Honorable Mentions:
These are books that I wanted to have on the above list but disqualified because they are based 1) in a neighbor country, 2) another popular country for books, and 3) not on Earth.

1) The Story of Owen by E.K. Johnston (takes place in Canada)
2) Sherlock Holmes by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle and Warlock Holmes by G.S. Denning (take place in England)
3) The Word For World is Forest by Ursula K. Le Guin (takes place off-world)

And with that, I'm off for a vacation to Yellowstone National Park - which I've never been to! Maybe I'll get lucky and see some wolves. If nothing else I'll see Old Faithful. Be back next month!

I Am the Reader Book Tag (June Book Wrap-Up)

My Skulduggery Pleasant readthrough has begun! I am loving this return to the world of Irish magic and sorcerers, and the fantastic banter that comes with Valkyrie Cain's partnership with the skeleton detective. I'll tell you all about my rereading of the first two books in a minute. But first things first!

Writing
Let's not talk about the fact that I didn't do any more writing on Follow the Raven this month either and instead focus on the fact that Camp NaNoWriMo July starts tomorrow! I've set my goal at 10k words again and I will make it! This will be the year that I win BOTH camps in the same year - not to mention the main event in November. I can feel it!

I only posted a couple of chapters of "Everything Changes" this month - both during Sonic and Shadow's birthday week. My readers seem excited about the direction I'm taking the story. If all goes as planned I'll be wrapping up this book in July, since I planned for it to be 20 chapters just like my first Sonic fanfic was and I've already posted 16. My current stats for this story are 1,942 reads; 185 votes; and 45 comments.

Reading
Obviously the highlight of my reading this month was the beginning of my months-long Skulduggery Pleasant readthrough, but I did read a couple of other titles as well. I also didn't get as much reading done as I wanted to this month, but four books is better than none. Here's what I read:

• Crenshaw by Katherine Applegate
• The Amaranth Enchantment by Julie Berry
• Skulduggery Pleasant by Derek Landy
• Playing With Fire by Derek Landy

Crenshaw is a book I picked up at the beginning of the month because I needed something light and fluffy to read to get my mind off of other things. It is a children's book; I finished it in two days. It was cute and really good considering the age group it was targeted at. I also listened to the audiobook version of The Amaranth Enchantment, just to give the audio experience another try with a different story and narrator. It had its moments, but overall I'd say it was fairly predictable and definitely meant for the younger side of the young adult genre. It took me the entire month to get through this eight hour audiobook, as I would go days at a time without the desire to keep listening. Although I never wanted to DNF it. I just didn't force myself to listen to it when I wasn't in the mood is all.

Every word of the first Skulduggery Pleasant book was exactly how I remembered it (of course), and I found myself quoting certain lines out loud before reading them on the page because I am so familiar and in love with them at this point. I enjoyed the journey this time just as much as I did the very first time I read it. I noticed this time, however, that I was picking up on things that had slipped my attention before, and I grew to like characters I used to dislike (aka Tanith Low). I'm curious to see if that will keep up throughout the series.

I've read books two and three only once before, and I've never read books four and beyond (which is why the real reviews and thoughts will come out next month, I think). Reading Playing With Fire for the second time was almost like reading it for the first time in that I remembered certain key events but overall I didn't recall how the story went or how it ended. It was neat to see the character growth in both Skulduggery and Valkyrie, and watch their partnership be tested and strengthened over the course of the 345 pages of the book. I've already begun the next book in the series, but as I'm not even 100 pages in yet I'll save that for next month's wrap-up. Overall, very excited to reread this third installment and then finally move on into uncharted territory!

I Am the Reader Book Tag

1) Name one word that describes being a reader.

• The first word that popped into my mind for this one is "fabulous." Being a reader means you get to escape reality whenever you want, go on awesome adventures of your own choosing, live a thousand lives, meet hundreds of people you never would otherwise, learn new things about a variety of topics, and so on. It's just...fabulous.

2) What's the very first book you fell in love with?

• The first book that I can vividly remember loving and devouring over and over is F Is For Freedom by Roni Schotter. The American Civil War era has always been my favorite historical period, I think because I like to see people fight for each other, regardless of skin color. F Is For Freedom essentially is about a young girl whose parents host a stop on the Underground Railroad, and she meets a slave girl who is about her age and doesn't know how to read. It's the story of their friendship and the slave's escape into the northern states. While I don't remember a lot of specifics, I do remember that I read and reread that book more times than I can even recall. I think it's safe to say that that was the first book I fell in love with.

3) Hardcover or paperback?

• I'm so glad I finally get to talk about this! I prefer paperback books. Most of my shelf is made up of paperback books. They're easier to handle, they're lightweight so your hands don't get as tired when you're holding it up for a prolonged period, you don't have to fuss with a book jacket...etc. Plus they just feel nice, you know?

4) How has reading shaped your identity?

• I feel like I would be an entirely different person today if I had never been a reader. I probably wouldn't want to be a writer, for one thing. But besides that, growing up I always had a book in my hand. I was always reading something. Friends and relatives knew me as the bookworm. All throughout high school, especially, I was known as a major book nerd. Nowadays it's just accepted that if you're planning on getting me something for a birthday or holiday, a gift card to a bookstore is always a safe bet. (And I very much enjoy those gifts.) Plus, reading has really helped me escape when I needed to the most. In the darkest times of my life when I didn't have anyone to talk to or turn to with my problems, there was always a book to be read. A different place to go and get away for a while. I think that really helped me.

5) What book do you read when you need to be comforted?

• Obvious Answer: Skulduggery Pleasant. He's always there to remind me of better times and to make me laugh when I need him the most.

6) Who taught you to be a reader? Or did you do it all on your own?

• I actually just had a conversation with my mom about this recently. I always knew that I had taught myself to be a reader, though I didn't know quite to what extent until just recently. My mom told me a story a while ago about how when I was about two years old there was this particular book that I really, really loved. I wanted her to read it to me all the time, over and over, as kids do. Mom said that if she ever tried to rush through it or didn't add the correct enthusiasm to her presentation of the story I would let her know that that was not how it went, and then I'd make her do it again the right way. Just the image of that makes me laugh. So short answer to this - I taught myself to be a reader. Neither of my parents were ever really into reading as far as I can remember. I've never seen my dad read a book in my life. I've seen mom read a few - especially now that she's getting older - but overall I'd say I'm the only reader in my family. My younger brother certainly doesn't read.

7) Describe your dream reading lounge.

• This is something I've wanted to do an entire post on before but I have never really been able to come up with a solid answer. Nine times out of ten when I picture a "reading nook," or a place to get away from the world for a while, it's a small little corner that's out of the way but cozy, with a bookshelf nearby and a table with snacks and stuff. And if it's snowing outside? Bonus. I like the cozy feeling that brings me.

8) What book changed the way you act or see the world?

• I think The Kite Runner by Khaled Hosseini really changed my entire perspective on the war that's going on over in the Middle East right now. I knew it was bad over there and I knew there were some messed-up groups taking power and bad things happening to innocent people, but I don't think I realized the full extent of how awful it is until I read The Kite Runner. My entire way of thinking has changed now when it comes to that part of the world. I feel like I have a better understanding of how this all started and what's been going on thanks to this book. (Although I do have to note that it messed me up big time. I couldn't read anything else for a solid week after finishing The Kite Runner. And I really want to read A Thousand Splendid Suns, too...but I'm afraid that will mess me up as well, if not more so.)

And that's all I've got for this month! Be sure to come back for my July wrap-up as I move out of familiar Skulduggery Pleasant territory and venture into the unknown. I'll finally find out what happens to him after the end of book three! Clearly he survives the battle...but how?! See you next time, guys! :D

My Battle With Misophonia

It's been a while since I've gotten more personal and deep with you guys, so to change things up this month I decided that it's about time I told you something pretty big. Something that has impacted my life in a not-so-great way and how I'm learning to deal with it on a daily basis. I suffer from a rare medical condition called misophonia. Many of you out there probably have no idea what that is OR don't believe that it's a legitimate condition when it is very much so for myself and many others. But what exactly is misophonia, and how does it affect my everyday life? If you read on, I will do my best to explain it to you.

What is misophonia?
Misophonia is the shorter and more common name for a condition known medically as Selective Sound Sensitivity Syndrome, or S4. Basically this means that those who suffer from it will be "triggered" by very common, everyday noises in an extremely negative way. The easiest way to explain it to someone who isn't very sciency (like myself) is that something is wonky with the wiring in the brain of a misophonic, and it causes them to interpret certain sounds in a bad way, even if there is absolutely no reason for it (which is mostly often the case). Anger, fear, anxiety, and panic are just some examples of the negative feelings the misophonic's brain will produce upon hearing a trigger sound. Common trigger sounds include chewing, tapping, clicking, mouth sounds, repetitive noises, breathing, etc. Very common noises that can be heard on a day-to-day basis, which only makes being an individual who suffers from this condition worse, as there is no escape from it unless you completely stay away from people.

How does it affect people generally?
The severity of the reaction depends upon the individual, but it can range from very minimal discomfort to using physical violence against the source of the trigger sound, be it person or inanimate object. Some people are simply bothered by the noise and seek to get away, while others go into a panic attack and their fight or flight response kicks in, thus the physical violence mentioned earlier. Here is a chart of the different levels (10) of misophonia:

How does it affect me, personally?
When I was growing up I would be triggered by certain noises and react violently to them, which often got me in trouble with my parents and sometimes even with my brother. I didn't actually have a name to put to this condition until about two years ago. You cannot imagine the relief I felt when I found out that I AM NOT THE ONLY ONE who suffers from this. All those years of feeling like I was just being picky, or overreacting to certain situations - all of it was because of a legitimate problem. I just didn't know it at the time.

In the past couple of years I've learned a lot more about what it means to have this condition in this day and age, and various coping mechanisms that others use to get through their lives relatively peacefully. It's impossible to have a perfect day when you live with misophonia, but thanks to online support groups and forums, I've learned a lot about how it affects me personally and how I personally can deal with my specific triggers.

If you'll refer to the chart above, you may be surprised to learn that I am a Level 9 misophonic. My primary trigger is gum chewing (just writing it down makes my heart beat faster), but I have a handful of others that include but are not limited to chewing, mouth noises, clicking, and repetitive sounds. It is impossible for me to get through even one day without being severely triggered. Every day I will talk to someone who is chewing gum as they're speaking (why the heck people feel the need to chew gum - or anything - with their mouth open, I DO NOT know). And even if I get away with not dealing with that specific trigger, I will have to deal with my family members who eat loudly and sometimes chew their food with their mouths open. (Which, again, I do not know why.) I will go to the kitchen to grab something and I'll hear my brother using the computer mouse in the living room, which triggers me as well. 9/10 times I will be physically shaking by the time I get back to the sanctuary that is my room, even if I'm only out there for a few seconds.

When I'm triggered my heart rate spikes, I get extremely tense, and when dealing with people I try to get the encounter over with as quickly as possible so I can get the heck out of there. This may seem like I'm being rude or anti-social, but it's the only way to avoid a breakdown. When exposed to a trigger noise for a prolonged period I will start to become antsy, I'll feel sick, anxiety will kick in, and then I will be in the midst of a full-blown panic attack and crying like a child because someone is chewing gum as they're talking to me. I simply cannot be exposed to those kinds of sounds for very long. It will literally cause me to have a mental breakdown on the spot because my brain is interpreting these sounds as a bad thing and I feel like I cannot get away.

Is there a cure?
Currently there is no cure for misophonia, but there are ways those who suffer from it can cope. Coping mechanisms vary from person to person, but thanks to the online support groups and forums I've been part of, I've learned a few tricks that have helped me get through situations I would have had to opt out of otherwise.

What coping mechanisms do you use?
My go-to coping mechanism is earplugs. Simple devices, but to the misophonic, they work wonders. I carry two sets of earplugs around with me everywhere I go and have one on standby just in case. One set is in my purse and the other is for use around the house. I've used earplugs in theaters (not because the movie is too loud but to block out the eating noises of the people around me), planetariums, and even in my own home. I sometimes sleep with them. They have been my saving grace when it comes to my everyday life. I remember the first time I used them to go see a movie with my college roommate and I left the theater almost crying with joy because I was able to sit through the whole thing without hearing a single chewing noise to trigger and distract me.

Besides earplugs, though, the only other coping mechanism I have is to stay away from people. I know it sounds horrible and anti-social, but it's honestly the best thing I can do for myself when it comes to having this condition. People don't understand that this is an actual medical condition; most just see it as giving people an excuse to be rude. I cannot tell you how much I hate seeing and hearing people say that this condition does not exist. Swap places with me for a day - me, a Level 9 misophonic - and then tell me it doesn't exist. I dare you.


I hope that I've enlightened you somewhat, and that perhaps you've learned a bit more about me after reading this post. I know not many people I see on a daily basis read this blog, but if you are one of those people, I'm going to take this opportunity to BEG you to PLEASE try to remember what you've learned here and take it seriously. If you happen across me one day and you're chewing gum, either take it out while you talk to me or try not to be offended if it seems like I'm trying to get away from you. I never mean it personally; I'm only try to save the both of us from the very real possibility of a mental breakdown.

And to those who are reading this generally: please, be considerate of others around you. Even if you don't know any misophonics in your lives there are many people who are annoyed by common mouth sounds, such as chewing gum or lip smacking. Be observant, be considerate. Take people's requests seriously. You never know if you're interacting with a misophonic person who is too afraid to speak up for themselves and ask you to stop whatever trigger noise you're causing. I've been that person. It sucks a lot.

I suffer from a rare medical condition called misophonia. It is very real. It is NOT an excuse for me to be rude, it is NOT an excuse for me to be by myself most of the time. It has impacted my life in a very negative way, and I am done being quiet about it. This is a part of me. Please respect that.

Thank you.

My First Audiobook (May Book Wrap-Up)

Yes, you read the title right! Anyone who knows me and my reading habits well knows that I've always preferred physical books to ebooks or audiobooks. I prefer to feel the weight of the book in my hand, read the story myself - not have someone else read it to me. So what changed my mind? Read on to find out!

Writing
I did very little work on Follow the Raven this month. I am kind of upset with myself, but at the same time, I don't feel too ashamed because I did write 10k of it last month during Camp NaNo. I'll pick up the slack in June and then write another 10k in July's Camp. It will happen!

"Everything Changes" has been going really well over on Wattpad! The story is booming, and the plot is really starting to pick up now. People are just as excited about my writing Sonic fanfiction again as I am. It's been a fun journey this month, especially. My current stats are 1,653 reads; 169 votes; and 37 comments.

Reading
I'm proud to announce that I completed my goal of reading at least three TBR books this month, in addition to the one library book I began reading at the end of April. I feel like I've mostly come out of my mid-takedown crisis and am back on the straight and narrow way, so to speak. I'm also on schedule to begin my Skulduggery Pleasant readthrough next month, but we'll talk about that in a minute. First, for the books I read in May:

• The One by Kiera Cass
• Made For You by Melissa Marr
• Rebel of the Sands by Alwyn Hamilton
• The Looking Glass Wars by Frank Beddor

Last month I read the first two books of The Selection series by Kiera Cass, which were both fantastic and unputdownable (except for that one time...). You can read about my thoughts on those here first if you so desire. Suffice it to say that The One was at once a heartbreaking, unforseeable, and completely perfect wrap-up. Holy flip, that ending, though...but I won't spoil anything here. I loved, loved, loved all three books so much, and would totally read them again. I intend to read the twenty-something-years-later duology soon - maybe later this year.

Made For You. I don't know if I can accurately put into words exactly how I feel about this book. I finished it a week ago and I'm still thinking about how crazy and messed-up it was. It is definitely worthy of its genre - mystery thriller - but man, this book was really disturbing and terrifying in its own way. This is one of the best YA thrillers I've read in a long time. Definitely recommended.

This month I listened to the audiobook version of Rebel of the Sands by Alwyn Hamilton. I can't even really tell you what it was that suddenly inspired me to want to listen to an audiobook at all - let alone this one. All I know is that I was nearing the end of my then-current read and wondering what I felt like reading next from my TBR pile. The title that kept popping into my head was Rebel of the Sands. But at the same time I was like, "Do I really want to read that one?" So I started my usual process of re-reading the summary and whatnot to get reacquainted with the book. Except this time instead of picking it up to read the first few lines and see if I was feeling it, I suddenly found myself searching for the audiobook and listening to a sample of it. Whatever it was that spurred me to find the audiobook, I ended up really liking the narrator for the story, so I went ahead and made the decision to listen to the whole book that way. And guys...I have not made such a fantastic decision in a long time.

The narrator for this book - Soneela Nankani - was such a perfect choice. Rebel of the Sands is told from the first person POV of a character named Amani, who is a girl, poor, and orphaned in a land where all three are disregarded as useless. Nankani does such a spectacular job of portraying the character that Hamilton created - everything from the pitch of her voice to its lilt. No one else could have portrayed Amani as well as Sonella Nankani does. The narrator also does a good job of distinguishing other characters' voices without trying too hard to really sound like something she's not, such as a male or a child. It's kind of hard to explain, but she does it very well. I can always tell which character is speaking when it's not Amani herself. Major props for that.

Beyond the narration, though, the story itself is spectacular. Alwyn Hamilton won Best Debut Goodreads Author in 2016 with her book Rebel of the Sands, and rightfully so! It is a story that is unique, captivating, and unpredictable. I never know where the story is going to take me next, and I love that because it's so hard to find books in the YA genre nowadays where I can't predict at least one thing about how it might go. I love Amani's character, her strangled relationship with Jin, and the story of how the two get swept up into a revolution without meaning to. I fully intend to listen to its sequel, Traitor to the Throne, as soon as I can. (Soneela Nankani narrates that one as well. Yes!)

Now for the most exciting part of all (for me, at least) - my Skulduggery Pleasant readthrough begins as of June 1! Finally! I cannot express how excited I am to finally read the entire series from beginning to end. I've read each of the first three books at least once before when I was in high school, but the high school, college, and public libraries would never get books four and beyond (for reasons I know now that I've been working in a library for nine months). Now, after having slowly bought the rest of the series for myself book by book, I can finally find out what happens to Mr. Pleasant after the end of book three. *fangirl squeal* I'm so, so hyped for this!

And with that said, I'm off to the awesome world of Skulduggery Pleasant and Valkyrie Cain! Expect to see mostly books from this series in my next few wrap-ups! :D

The Elusive Naermyth

As you may or may not know, I have been an active member of Goodreads since January 2015. If you're unfamiliar with Goodreads, it's essentially a way to keep up with the latest novels of your preferred genre, connect with friends to see what they're reading, discuss books with others, etc. It's awesome, and I update it almost daily. (If you click on any of the links in my book wrap-ups they take you to the respective book's Goodreads page, just fyi.) Goodreads will also recommend books to you based on what you've recently read, what you're currently reading, what you've liked in the past, and so on. (I have a bad habit of reading about those books and then adding them to my WTR, which is way out of control at this point.)

Well, back in July 2016 Goodreads recommended to me a book called Naermyth by Karen Francisco. It didn't have many ratings or reviews, but the synopsis was really intriguing and unique, so I went ahead and added it. After that I kind of left it for a while, as I do with most books I add to my WTR.

Fast-forward to about a half a year later. I don't remember exactly what it was that made me remember I'd added this book to my list; I think maybe when I was doing my end-of-year Goodreads cleanup I came across it in my WTR and was like "oh, yeah" and clicked on it again. This time I took a closer look at it as part of my cleanup process, and that's when I began to learn interesting things about it. Its setting was the Philippines. That's really different for a dystopian book nowadays - most of them take place in America or Europe. The story is essentially about all the creatures and monsters of legend turning out to actually exist and coming back to destroy the world and endanger the human population. Really different for a dystopian.

Then I noticed again that there weren't a lot of reviews on it. I began scrolling through the ones that were available and learned that many of them were written by Philippine people. I also saw in the questions section that someone had asked where you could buy the book online, because they couldn't find it anywhere.

Now that really intrigued me.

I began to do some digging of my own, clicking on all the links that Goodreads provides in terms of where to buy it, which libraries nearest you have it, etc. In a quest that ended up taking me about two months, I discovered that this book was not available for purchase online anywhere except for one site that was basically a Philippine Amazon. The thing about that? They did not ship internationally. It was Philippines only. This book was impossible to purchase unless you lived in its home country.

By now, obviously, I was becoming obsessed with being able to read it. The thrill of the chase was really hyping it up for me. So in one last ditch effort to see if I could get my hands on it, I clicked on the Libraries tab on the book's page. As it turns out, there are only three libraries across the entire United States that have a copy of Naermyth. Two of them are universities, and the third is the Library of Congress.

At this point it was early February of this year. If you don't know, I work at my local library at the circulation desk. One night when I went to work I sent an email to our Inter-Library Loans specialist asking if it was possible to request items that were out of state. (I'd already gotten a couple of in-state books through ILL in the time I'd worked there.) I told her there was a book I was trying to get my hands on that was being extremely elusive, but from what I'd researched it looked like there was a copy in the Library of Congress. When I went back to work the following evening, I'd gotten a reply. It was possible.

I went ahead and sent her the details, giving her the name of the book, the author, and how I'd learned which libraries in the country had it. She said she'd see what she could do. About a month went by and I hadn't heard anything more about it, so I sent her a follow-up email, to which she replied saying she'd already sent a request for the book to the Library of Congress but hadn't gotten a response. She told me she'd try again. About a week later she informed me that they'd given her the go-ahead to get the book from them, and on April 12, Naermyth was in my hands.

When you request a book from out of state like I did, many times the libraries have extra fees you need to pay or certain lending policies you have to follow. The awesome thing about getting Naermyth was that the library still only fined me the standard ILL fee of $2, but the catch was that it was an in-library use only item. Meaning I could not take it out of the library; I had to read it there. Good thing that's where I work!

Slowly, over the course of the past month, I read Naermyth while on shift whenever I had the opportunity. Sometimes we'd get slammed and I wouldn't get any reading done; other times it would be utterly dead and I'd get 30 pages read in one shift. The sprints varied and it took a while, but the point is, I was finally able to read the elusive Naermyth.

So now that you know the story of how I got it and how long it took to read it, let me tell you what I thought of it.

The first thing I noticed once I began was the writing itself. It read very much like many self-published books, meaning it was pretty poorly written and held no evidence of ever having been edited - by the author or anyone else. This kept up throughout the entire book. Some passages were worse than others; I noticed consistent tense changes (sometimes even in the same sentence) and misspellings. Weird word choices were also present, along with a lot of Philippine terminology that I didn't understand. The author relied very heavily on her readers being familiar with specifically Philippine monsters (which is fair, considering it is a self-published novel in that country). There were many passages that could have used more description and a lot of names I needed to keep up with, half of which weren't even important or only appeared once in the book. The author also used some cliches and overused plot devices while trying to portray them as being unexpected. Overall, there were just a lot of things wrong with the presentation of the story. An editor would have been extremely helpful in this area.

Despite all of these shortcomings, the story itself was actually really unique and well-paced; I ended up giving the book three stars. (It would have been four if the writing wasn't so bad.) Essentially, the plot follows a young woman named Athena who comes across a man during one of her missions who has no memories of the past five years, which is when the Naermyth (never myth) began crawling out of their hiding places and destroying the human way of life. It doesn't take long for her to learn that he is actually a Naermyth himself, and the two of them have a strange, inexpiable connection to one another. They go on a quest to uncover the mystery of who he is and why everything she's ever known is suddenly thrown into turmoil because of his arrival, and...that's basically all one should know going in.

I've read a handful of dystopian novels - enough to know that I don't really prefer the genre - but this is by far the most unique one I've read. The idea of creatures that we all thought were only myths coming back to disrupt everything is very different, and this author made it work in a fascinating way. The protagonist, Athena, is a main character that is unexpected in every sense of the word, but by the end of the novel I grew to really like her. Her journey with Dorian was a unique kind of quest, and all of the twists and turns involved throughout kept me guessing right up until the very last page. And speaking of endings, the author nailed the ending of Naermyth. It fit right along with the whole mood of the rest of the novel while still finishing on a hopeful note. All in all, despite the bad writing, the story itself was very unique and very good. It was well worth the hassle it took to get it in my hands.

I feel like if this author had gotten a good editor, Naermyth would be much bigger than it is now. Even if she'd hired a freelancer so it could still be self-published, a little fine tuning on the presentation would have made this novel stand out big time. I almost want to own a copy, because I would probably read this again. (Chances of that are slim, of course, but still. Plus it would be cool to have bragging rights.)

Now that it's all said and done, I think that the crazy chase Goodreads sent me on to read this book was well worth it in the end. Despite its being an in-library use only item, I still found the time to read and enjoy it. You can be sure I took plenty of notes, though; after all, it's not something I can just pick up and reference whenever I want to! I'll be kind of sad to send it back to the Library of Congress, but alas, its due date approaches. Naermyth, it's been fun. Thanks for introducing me to a dystopian world I'll never forget.